Confident Hope

Our 6th day in Rwanda, before we traveled from Kigali to Gisenyi, we spent the day with the Best Family in the Gasharu community.  BFR is a ministry for orphans and vulnerable children in difficult situations.  The focus of BFR is to provide a Christ-centered family structure with an emphasis on education, healthcare & social welfare.  One of the coolest things about this ministry is the story of how it started.  BFR was founded and started by three former Rwandan orphans.  All three became orphans as children when their families were killed in the genocide.  Growing up together in the orphanage, they learned to rely on God and each other to survive  whether it was sharing food, school supplies and basic daily needs or praying together.  Now all grown up, these 3 men have poured their hearts and lives and all the money they have into building the Best Family and implementing family structure, medical provisions, education, and basic needs.  Visiting Orphans found out about the Best Family and came along side them this past December and started the Kunda sponsorship program with the goal being to connect every child in the Best Family with a sponsor who is active in their life and financially helps provide education, health care and basic needs.

 Journal Entry day 6:

We visited the best family today and I loved every second of it.  Such an amazing organization lead by 3 selfless Rwandans.  It was so cool to meet them and see the results of the love, time and energy that they have poured into those precious children.  It was so adorable, they all, in unison, punched the air with seriousness and pride and shouted at the top of their lungs in English "Best Family!" "We are here!" "Confident Hope!" The leaders went on to point to individual kids and shout "what is your purpose?!" And the child would stand up really straight & tall and shout at the top of his lungs what he wanted to be when he grows up.  Agghh it was so inspiring, beautiful and heart touching.  They sang and danced for us, we sang and danced for them. We've learned a few songs in Kinyarwanda and they loved it.  We played hard all day and and it was sad to say goodbye.  

On another note, I'm excited because Jane and I worked it out to enroll a new little boy in the Best Family sponsorship program.  This little boy's father, Alphonse, has been the bus driver for the Visiting Orphans teams in Rwanda for several years until this year.  He became very sick with Aids and even almost died recently.  He had dinner with us last night and I learned you can can get free Aids medication from the government now which is what he's doing but anyways, when he got sick, he lost his bus and his job & he and his little boy are in a very difficult situation.  It's totally from the Lord how it all came about for me to be able to sponsor his little boy, who I now consider my "Rwandan son." I haven't even met him yet and Jane couldn't remember his name so I don't know that yet either!  I got like 60 seconds of wifi at dinner tonight and in a text, got to tell Andrew about "our new son" briefly and he was really excited and wanted to know his name which I didn't know.  But I'm so happy this little boy gets to be apart of the Best Family and I will actually get the chance to meet him in Kigali on Monday!  I can't wait to meet him and be a part of his life. 

Cyusa 

I will never forget

On the morning of our 2nd day in Rwanda, we visited the Genocide Museum.  This year marks the 20th year of the genocide in Rwanda.  From April to July, 1994 more than 800,000 Rwandans were massacred.  Hutu extremists tried to completely wipe out the entire Tutsi tribe and anyone trying to save or help them.  To learn more about the genocide go here: The Rwandan Genocide.  And if you haven't seen the movie Hotel Rwanda, you really should.

Journal Entry: Day 2: 12pm 

On the bus, pulling away from the genocide museum. Words can't really express the devastation that occurred here 20 years ago.  Our hearts are heavy and I keep thinking, what if that happened to me?  How does life go on after something like that…I don't know how, but they're doing it somehow.  Feeling so thankful for my family today and overwhelmed with sadness for those who lost theirs in such a horrible way.  We participated in a social media project that a group of Rwandan students were doing to prevent something like this from ever happening again.  

Later that day we went on home visits.  The home visits were to the homes of families in Jane & Peter's community who were in very difficult situations. We brought food to each of their homes, talked with them, listened to their story, and prayed with them, with Jane translating of course. One of the most valuable things I learned on this trip was from our leaders Ben and Kassie.  They talked a lot about the importance of empowering and not enabling.  They talked to us about how certain types of helping can actually hurt.  Ben and Kassie have a heart to help Rwandans and see long-term results rather than temporary fixes.  A book that was recommended to me is called When Helping Hurts.  So with that frame of mind, I liked how we delivered the food on these home visits.  We delivered the food we bought to these families as if it were from Jane and Peter's church and not from us, "the Americans here on a short term mission trip."  Our hope was that in giving food from the church, it would have a longer term affect as it may encourage these families to come and be involved in Jane and Peter's church and in turn hear the message of the gospel, be encouraged, feel loved by their local church and be empowered.

Journal Entry Day 2: 11pm 

After today's home visits it's difficult to put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. The words that come to mind are overwhelmed, impacted, changed, amazed…What to do from here?  How will my life look & be different after what I saw today?  I was trying to process these thoughts out loud with my roommates Beth & Carla and Beth brought up a really good point.  She said " I would suggest not feeling guilty or ashamed of the fact that you have a car and a home with running water & air conditioning…but instead, I would suggest focusing on how you can do more to help others in need and ask yourself, what will I do as a result of what I saw?"  

Observations from the home visits:  The soil was red, the children were beautiful, their clothes were torn, their feet were dirty, their eyes…captivating, their smiles griped my soul, their laughs were contagious and their hearts...so pure and innocent. Their homes, a mud plaster like material, no doors but a sheet hanging, so small..the 5 of us could barely duck in and all squeeze inside..about the size of my closet but much lower ceilings and not much inside but some blanket pallets for beds and a few things lying around, no running water or electricity, spotted 2 rats crawling up the wall.  The food we brought: flour, maize, sugar, rice, potatoes.  Other things we brought: charcoal and laundry soap.

The women: Antonietta, Marie Rose & Josephine.  I feel so honored that these women invited us into their homes and shared with us their stories…I will continue to pray for them. 

 There was one moment after the first home visit that really impacted me.  As we were leaving and getting on the bus, I had a half empty bottle of juice in the side pocket of my back pack.  It had been there all day and was warm and I forgot it was even there.  Some of the kids noticed it and about 10 of them started following me to the bus grabbing my hand and tugging on my shirt and looked up at me with those big brown eyes saying "juice, juice, juice?!" My first reaction was to give it to them of course, but Jane advised me not to as there wasn't enough juice for them all to share so they would be tempted to fight over it and overall, such a small thing would just cause more harm than good.  So I had to say "no, I'm sorry" :( turn away, and leave them there just looking at me with their little frowns.  I got on the bus and started talking to Carla,  re-capping how this half empty bottle of hot juice has no value to me but was like gold to them...and in the middle of my sentence something, not sure what exactly, hit me hard…and in the middle of my sentence I couldn't finish it, because I was choking back tears and the tears just wouldn't stop.  What I saw today, I will never forget.  

Rwanda

I've been sitting here at the computer for 30 minutes now and still don't know where to even begin.  It's hard to put into words what I saw, experienced, and learned in Rwanda but one thing I can say for sure is that I'll never be the same.

I don't always hear God's voice clearly in my life and often times I make a decision to do something and hope that it's God's voice I've heard and not my own.  But then there are other times that I hear Him so loudly and obviously that I couldn't miss it if I tried and this trip to Rwanda was one of those times.  Back in January, our pastor was reading a verse from the book of James.  I flipped over to James to follow along and as I was flipping,  James 1:27 caught my eye…it wasn't underlined or highlighted, but the words just jumped out at me in kind of a random way, and so I began reading:

"Religion that our God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in distress…"  

Those words in that very moment began to grip my heart.  I wrote the verse down in my journal and thought about what religion really is and how we've distorted its meaning in so many ways. But here is a direct word from the Lord telling me what pure and true religion really looks like and I started to think about how I currently did not have any orphans or widows in my life that I was looking after or caring for.  After church I had a long conversation with A about how that verse had jumped out at me and how I was feeling so strongly that day in that moment that I wanted to obey this clear calling from God to love and care for orphans and or widows in difficult situations.  A encouraged me to pray about it and start looking into opportunities or organizations in the Dayton area where maybe I could do jus that.  So I wrote James 1:27 down again, this time in the notes tab on my iPhone which includes a list of ongoing things in my life that I'm praying about.

About a month later,  I walked in the door wiped out from work, threw my heels off and sat down to check my email.  Waiting for me was an email from Carla, a girl on one of the worship teams at our church.  I didn't know who she was and I read on to learn that she was on a team at our other church campus in Xenia and she had sent this email out to everyone on a worship team at Apex.  Her email started talking about an upcoming trip to Africa through an incredible organization called Visiting Orphans…she talked about how the trip would include music to connect with the people we meet and how the vision of the trip was to go be love to the people of Rwanda and empower and help and encourage them.  And at the very end of her email she said "what better and more tangible way than this to live out James 1:27."  And that that was it….I had heard God's voice and I knew in that instant I was going to Rwanda.

So as there is so much to say and process, I decided I would write about each day one blog at a time. This one is already getting long so I'll end with one of my journal entries written at the end of our first full day there.

Day 1: Here I am in Kigali, Rwanda journaling under a mosquito net and I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world.  It's only the 1st day and I've already fallen in love with Rwanda and the people here.  Jane Mutesi, our translator, guide and co-pastor with her husband Peter, inspires me.  What a strong, smart woman of God who continually serves, gives and leads the people in her community so humbly and with so much selfless love. I've only know her for a day but I want to be like her.  We have a team of 11 people from all over the US and I'm looking forward to getting to know them. 

Jane

The team

The people here inspire me and I'm amazed at how this 3rd world country has developed and come so far since the genocide that happened here in 1994. In just a week we will be here in Rwanda celebrating the 20 year anniversary of the end of genocide. A banner was hanging on the wall of Jane and Peter's church that said: Isaiah 61:4 "They will rebuild the ancient ruins & restore the places long devastated; they will renew the united cities that have been devastated for generations." Rwanda & the people here are still suffering from the affects of the genocide in ways unimaginable. I'm eager to learn and understand more over the next couple of weeks. There is a sense of pride here as the people are working hard to rebuild their country. They have 1 day a month called "cleaning day" and the whole country stops and sets aside that day just to clean.  I'm amazed at the forgiveness I've already seen in people I met today whose family members were murdered in the genocide. It's unbelievable. There is a sense of brokenness and freedom here all at the same time. 

outside Jane & Peter's church

Peter and Amilee, both had family killed in the genocide

This morning we worshiped at Jane and Peter's church and spent the rest of the day ministering to the children and families in their community. We danced, we played, we worshiped, we hugged…I received more love from the people in this community today than I could have ever given.  Some observations from the church: unexplainable joy, laughing, dancing, praising God…I think I saw a glimpse of heaven as I watched the men, women and children dance and sing their hearts out for the Lord with so much passion, desperation and whole heartedness. The children: such innocence, desiring to be held, love holding hands, they love my hair, wanting to feel loved and valued, child like faith. The welcoming of the guests: all guests got hugs and a round of applause…I loved that, think I might suggest it to Rob (pastor at Apex).  Sweating, hot, small 1 room building, 3 hour service, but so much joy, so much worship. Everything spoken in Kinyarawanda, thank goodness for our translator Jane. Words from the pastor: The church is not this building, the church is you & I, Alleluia….Let us not leave here the same…we are not black or white, we are children of God…we may be from different nations but we are all in the kingdom of God…because we have different colors, different people from different nations, we praise the Lord. Amen. 

(Pics from Day 1) 

When we first got here yesterday, I immediately noticed the poverty, you can't miss it…and my first thoughts were "wow, I'm so blessed" which is true, but it was so clear today what being blessed really means.  Many of the Rwandans that I met today are blessed because they have hope in something so much greater than a good paying job, a nice car or a sweet vacation home.  Many of the people in this community don't have much when it comes to material possessions.  Most don't have running water or a toilet, or more than a few pieces of clothing, they don't have a car or a lap top or a kitchen table…many of them lost friends and family in the genocide, but they have a savior, Jesus Christ, and it was made clear today in Jane and Peter's church that they find their strength in Christ alone.  My prayer for today: The lyrics to 2 of my favorite songs come to mind: 

Oh God be my everything, be my delight, my Jesus, my savior, my soul satisfy...
Break my heart for what breaks yours…open up my eyes to the things unseen... 

Fix My Eyes

Blessed & encouraged by these lyrics sung at Apex this morning.

"When my heart is weary, when my soul is weak

When it seems I can't traverse the trail before me

I survey the glory of your agony

And I find the will to fight for what's before me

Cause you ran the race enduring for your glory

I fix my eyes on you, the founder and the finisher of our faith

I fix my eyes on you, the solace in your suffering is my strength 

As I fight to follow, you're my righteous guide

And you train me to delight in all that's holy

Heal my broken body, cure my crooked stride

Throw off every weight and sin that clings so closely

I will run the race enduring for your glory

You help me breathe, you're the only life I need

You died for me, you're the only life I need"

Five Years

Five years ago today, I married the guy who was at first, my hunky neighbor, who quickly became my close friend, who then became my crush, which eventually lead to our facebook status "in a relationship", and then one day I realized...I can't go one day of my life without him...

These past five years have been full of blessings & challenges and "the truth is, love is a decision and not a just a feeling.  It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational." -The Love Dare

Marriage is not always easy, but it's a gift, and A has been the most wonderful gift of my life.  Looking back at this snap shot video of our wedding day, it's a reminder to me of God's faithfulness because I prayed so hard that he would fall in love with me..and it worked! :)  Happy Anniversary A! Looking forward to every day of the rest of my life with you.

Babies & Derbies

This weekend I had so much fun hosting a baby shower for my dear friend Laura. Just like us, Laura and Drew moved to Dayton from Kansas City last summer and the four of us have become best friends!! Not sure if I would have survived our first year in Dayton without this sweet girl. We had a blast celebrating baby Gooden and we can't wait for his arrival!!

The fun continued later that day as we watched the "the most exciting two minutes in sports" at a fabulous Kentucky Derby party hosted by my lovely friend Alathea.  The gentlemen were dapper, the hats were fancy, and we got a rush watching California Chrome take the lead in the "run for the roses!"

Before moving to Dayton, I could have never imagined that we would have already made friends this dear. I can truly say that I love Dayton because I love the people here. Hooray for a weekend celebrating babies and derbies with the most wonderful friends.